It’s been a long time, and you haven’t texted or seen each other in months or years. You know you don’t want to hook up with your ex, but you’re curious about how they are and what they’re up to. In your heart, you’ve moved on, and you’re ready for something new.
Yet, for reasons you can’t really explain, you send them a simple message, “Hey! How’ve you been?”
“Wow! Hey! I was just thinking about you… Where are you?”
The response is almost immediate. You stare at it blankly for over a minute, unsure whether this is real or not.
“My place. Wanna come over?”
“Of course. Be there in 10.”
Without comprehending what you just did, you’ve set in motion the strange tango of reconnecting with an ex.
“I Promise Myself I’m Not Going To Hook Up With My Ex”
Let’s say you’ve gone cold turkey. You’ve made a personal declaration that you want a break from relationships, and you want to try a new way of meeting people and falling in love.
The old “hook up” version of you is over, and the new “grown-up” version is fully activated.
Inviting your ex over is simply to prove to yourself that you can maintain a healthy relationship and move forward maturely.
“I’m coming now.”
What’s this? Your heart is racing. You feel anxious and excited to see your ex again.
I’m not going to hook up with my ex, you tell yourself. I just want to see how they’re doing and–that’s all.
There they are, standing behind a glass door. Dressed up and looking incredibly hot.
You smile at them, they smile at you.
“Hey. You look great.”
“Thanks, you too!”
There’s a moment’s pause. Both of you are taking a moment to eye each other up and down, taking in the “new version” of each other.
“Come on. Let’s go upstairs.”
You know what’s about to happen…
The elevator ride is slightly awkward. It always is.
“So, how you been?”
“Good. Actually, everything is really good. How about you?”
“Yeah, good too. You know…”
There’s not much else to say. The elevator stops at the parking garage and gives both of you reason to stand in silence until you reach your floor.
“This is it. Let’s go.”
The silence from the elevator continues down the hall. There’s a moment where you catch eyes and smile awkwardly yet adoringly at one another.
“This is it. This is my place.”
You insert the key. Open the door. Guide them inside. Then offer them a seat.
“Do you want anything to drink?”
“Water is fine.”
You grab a glass. Turn on the tap. Fill it with water. Then pass it to them.
Thoughts go racing. You’re trying to find something to say. Something to start a conversation. It could be about what they’re doing for work, how their Uncle John is doing, or whether or not Fuffy, their pet cat, is still alive.
“Are you seeing someone right now?”
“No. Are you?”
“I’ve been dating a bit. But nothing special.”
The silence returns.
You reach out with your right hand to move the hair from their face or caress the nape of their neck. It feels just like old times. During the days when everything was “meant to be.”
Your eyes meet. Their smile is shy and a bit hesitant, they know exactly what you want to do.
“Maybe this wasn’t a good idea,” you say.
“No. No–it’s alright. I promise,” they say. “If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t come over.”
Once again, the silence returns. But this time, there’s a spark of energy in the air. This time, your hand follows through. Their smell, their smile, their skin–it all excites you.
Then, without understanding what happens next, you’re both lying in bed naked, covered in sweat, and breathing slowly, heavily, and happily.
You just hooked up with your ex.
Why Do We Hook Up With Our Exes?
A few days ago, I found myself guilty of doing something similar to the story above. I got a message from a past lover, someone I don’t expect to hear from or see ever again. But then, I got her message and I impulsively responded with an open invitation to come over and hang out. In my mind, I thought we’d catch up, enjoy a nice meal together, then part ways as new friends.
Have you ever done something like this?
I’ve always wondered about the reasons why I let my self hook up with an ex. And, after this recent experience, here’s what I think:
- Feeling Alone. It’s natural to feel lonely in our life. Sometimes, we reach out to others, via text message or email, to test old connections and see if anything’s still there. When we do this with past lovers, we may find that they are in a similar state of feeling. The result is…
- Genuine Curiosity. There will always be people who come and go throughout our entire lives. Some relationships may have more depth and intensity than others, and the ones that leave the biggest impact (both positively and negatively) tend to stand out in our memory. Naturally, our curiosity to know how our old lovers are doing, whether they’re happy without you, or the beautiful things they’ve been up to will cross our minds.
- Never-Ending love. Let’s be honest with ourselves. Love is not an on/off switch. Whenever you share intense feelings, they may still be there. The reasons why you broke up with an ex can vary from financial difficulties to physical relocations to family problems. Yet, the love you once had could be a moment away from being shared once again
These are the reasons I found for hooking up with my ex. What was the reason that caused it for you?