There are a lot of clichés told by our friends, family members and a-hole advertisers hustling dating apps across the internet. Perhaps you’ve heard something like, “True love comes to those who least expect it” or “When finding a life partner, stop looking for it.” Yeah, bullshit.
If you’re anything like the majority of the world’s lonely population (i.e. borderline solitary isolation):
- How the hell is someone supposed to find you?
- Who in their right mind wants to imprison themselves to you, a potentially lonely loser with bitterness and hatred fueling your brain?
Anytime your wallet goes missing, you don’t wait around expecting it to miraculously find you. When you’re hungry, food doesn’t magically appear on a plate in front of you. If there’s a big promotion coming up, there’s a lot of work and conscious effort to get your boss to notice you. No?
Finding a life partner requires you to go out there and search for them.
Depending on how you search, whether actively or passively, this is going to impact the duration of your loneliness and the quality of your searching. Looking for someone actively by going to a bar or swiping right on dating apps — I promise you — has a much higher success rate than not looking at all. However, spending so much time, energy and effort to actively look for a life partner gets exhausting.
It’s quite a dilemma. You could actively look for a life partner until you’re burnt out and depressed, then, depend on passive tactics, such as prayers, clichés beliefs, and wet dreams, until you’re motivated to actively search again. Or, you can prepare yourself for the possibility that someday, somewhere, someone worth loving is going to come into your life.
Find Your Best Friend
Who would you like to spend a few hours every day with for the rest of your lives? Do you remember that hot body who was oozing with sex appeal? The one you fucked three times in a single hour? Is that really the type of person you want as your life partner?
Is having great sex the only criterion that’s important to you? When they open their mouth and remove your genitalia, is there anything at all interesting coming out?
Think about who you want to wake up beside in the morning, the person you’re going to start a family with and experience all the ups and downs of life until death do you part. This is a person you can explore the world with, get in trouble together, support each other’s dreams, and help make small improvements to make each of you better people (people you were always meant to be).
Pick a Partner that Fits Your Life
When it comes to finding a life partner, there’s a biblical quote that captures the principles of partnership quite perfectly (don’t worry, you don’t have to convert or believe in Jesus — this just a damn good quote):
9 Two are better than one,Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
because they have a good return for their labor:
10 If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
These cover the basic needs a partner provides you with. However, it doesn’t go into the complex nature of who you really are. If you’re a passionate dreamer with an imaginative creative side, do you want to be with a partner that’s hypercritical, insensitive, and requires analytical data to improve performance and results?
Actively searching for a life partner allows you to experience and encounter all kinds of personalities. This wasn’t mentioned in the previous section, but it’s probably in your best interest to friend-zone as often as possible. Take some time to get to know the qualities of the person who might be sharing a bed with you, making a baby with you, and one day buried in the cemetery next to you. Finding a good life partner is someone who makes life feel more balanced and resilient, they keep you focused on your goals and dreams, they are in-tune with who you are, and — most importantly — you are capable of providing them with the same.
Do you love yourself?
Let’s go back to the beginning. What state of mind are you in when you’re searching for a life partner? Do you ever recognize a pattern of repeating people that enter your life every time you’re thinking and feeling a certain way? Are you more or less happy, satisfied, content, and excited about your life?
Just because you’re lonely, finding a life partner and settling on some poor fool who’s willing to stick around is not the solution. If you’re not in harmony with yourself, how can you find harmony with another?
Take some time to detox from reality. Ditch the drugs, dump the bottle, and discard the phone. Turn off the internet, tune out the news, and take-off for the weekend. Read a book, start a hobby, or build a business. You get it, right?
Get to know who you are, what you need, and why you even want another human being to be in your life. The better you are at communicating this with yourself, the better you’re going to be to communicate this with potential candidates who will be your partner. Perhaps, finding a life partner starts by finding yourself, understanding yourself, and loving yourself.
If not, there are millions of leftover men and women all over Asia who would be more than happy to settle down with somebody like you.